Thankful

It’s that time of the year again… HOLIDAY SEASON!!! So before I start all my cooking, eating, and celebrating I wanted to reach out to my readers. A couple of years ago my family started a tradition- after we prayed over the food we all had to verbally express what we were thankful for that year. We all have things we are thankful for, but how often do we express it? This time of the year shouldn’t be the only time we reflect on what we are truly thankful for in our lives. Think about.... every day someone dies… so every morning when you wake up to see another day… you should be thankful and verbally express it ( it only takes a quick second). Also, verbally expressing gratitude for the people in our lives should be another priority. Whether it’s every day… every other day… it should become a routine because all know that life is short and we shouldn’t take the ones we love for granted.

I have a long list of things I’m thankful for and some are the most obvious- my health, my family, my friends, etc… But then there are the ones that aren’t- my strength, my knowledge, my wisdom, my understanding, etc. 2011 has been a tough year but every day I continued to wake up and make a difference so I’m most thankful for that. So this Thanksgiving, if you are with family I challenge you to have everyone say something that they are thankful for before the celebrating begins. Because at the end of it all some people won’t wake up and have the opportunity and if you are given a chance take advantage of it.

Also, saying “thank you” is an important priority. It’s amazing the weight that these two words carry. Just think… if you do a favor for someone and they don’t say thank you how the absence of the words can really upset you. However, if they express their appreciation by saying it you will be more willing to do a favor for them in the future. (SN: I’m not perfect though, sometimes I get caught up in someone doing something for me... I forget to say it myself.)

Being “thankful” and saying “thank you” are one in the same, but I had someone tell me it isn’t. Am I confused? Does one carry more importance than the other? I need more opinions on this one… Critiques anyone?

Morals

On my way to the office this morning I was listening to the Steve Harvey morning show. They were asking callers how they felt about the verdict announced for Mr. Murray. (SN: Mr. Murray was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter). Steve, being his normal comical self, made jokes about what some of the callers were saying. Some of them I felt were quite funny myself. However, this is more than it being about jokes, and more than it being about the fact that the deceased is Michael Jackson. It's about MORALS!

As an individual are there situations you feel are morally right or wrong? I'm sure there are, what are they? Sure, Mr. Murray has argued that Michael paid him a substantial amount of money to be supplied with drugs, but where is the line supposed to be drawn? When it comes to money are there really certain things that are supposed to be deemed "morally" okay because your bank account increases in numbers?

Many strippers, video vixens, porn stars, etc. get degraded because people feel like these types of professions are “morally” wrong simply because a person is using their body to make a financial living. However, these individuals are only accountable for themselves and the decisions they make. But what about doctors, lawyers, POLITICAL FIGURES, etc. who go to school, get degrees, and use their brains to do things that are “morally” wrong, why don’t we degrade them? And they are usually held accountable or make decisions for another individual.

It's a thin line between what society feels is "morally" right or wrong. Frankly, I feel some of these degree seekers, etc. aren't any "morally" better than the strippers, dancers, porn stars (and whoever else you want to place in this category). But that's just my opinion. Critiques anyone?

Promise

It feels like forever since I have posted. I'm ashamed. I started something that I haven't taken the time to focus on. I made a promise to myself that I didn't keep. SMH! So now, I'm back and I promise to post at least once a week. Promise. Hmmm... A word with such a simple spelling but advanced meaning. We all make promises throughout life, whether it's to ourselves or others, the hard part is keeping it. I hate when someone promises something to me and doesn't see it through. The excitement of expecting something that may never happen is haulted at the realization that you've once again been lied to. I think we can all handle promises we break to ourselves, but not from others. Let me see.. the first promise ever made to me was back in middle school. I kissed a classmate who "promised" he wouldn't tell, but when I went back to school everyone knew about it. I was embarassed and hurt.

Even in relationships (this includes friendships) I have accepted promises that haven't been kept. You know the back-stabbing friend, the cheating boyfriend that promised he wouldn't do it again, or in my case as well the forever promising daddy. I've also made quite a few I knew I couldn't do (but of course I won't spill my own dirt). It's something about the word that gives us that extra heart to trust even when we don't want to...yada..yada. Now all I do is listen, nod, and agree (sticking a mental note in the back of my mind to label this person if the promise is not met..LOL). Sometimes, I even tune them out and I start to think of more important things going in my life. I wonder... how hard is it going to be for me to accept someone promising to love me the rest of their life...(maybe that's a reason I haven't got married).

So I want feedback from my readers. Have you ever made a promise you couldn't keep? Or have you had someone promise you something that they didn't do? As an adult is it even relevant to make promises anymore? I wanna hear your voice...Critiques anyone?

Learn

I loved him. Sometimes I believed I loved him more than I loved myself. Despite his large ego, a person couldn’t do anything but respect him because his presence spoke power. When I was with him I felt secure, I felt safe, and most importantly I felt loved. If I never knew someone could wear a disguise... I learned with him. Giving your heart to someone only to realize they will never give you theirs is a hard thing to accept. And it’s even harder taking your heart back. For years I tried but honestly I know there is still a part of me with him. Wherever he is and with whomever he is with. The sad part about this process is the person is fully aware of the way you feel and will sometimes take advantage of it. I rode the same emotional rollercoaster over and over hoping for what? Because it always turned out to be the same twist, turns, hills, headaches, and heartaches. I never understood the purpose of someone dealing with someone they could never truly love. What is the purpose of wasting time?

I had a friend ask me the other day if it was better to be with someone who loves you more than you love them. My answer was yes, but we both knew it simply isn’t that easy. It’s rare that we encounter a situation where the love is mutual. So, most people find themselves unhappy with their relationships either because they’re the ones loving the most or simply can’t love at all. But it’s either you do or don't… it’s no between. I truly believe loving a person happens the moment you meet them. However, as time progresses learning a person can either enhance or dissolve that feeling. I honestly don’t think the whole “learn to love someone” can happen. I’ve tried it… it doesn’t work. Tank said it best… “I can’t make you love me”….. do you feel he was right or wrong. Critiques anyone?

Friends

Friends. We've all know the famous line... "How many of us have them?" I can hear the song in my mind and I start to bop my head to the beat. I begin to think back to when my mother and I would hear the song on the radio. She would turn it up, start to move her hands around, and rap word from word. At the time, my admiration for the song came simply from enjoying my mother's interest in it. Oblivious to the honest words being spoken about the people we feel are so called “friends”.

When we are younger our “friends” are one of the most important things in our life. We desire the approval of being accepted by people who we don’t know and who barely know themselves. Therefore, leading us down a path of self destruction or self improvement, depending on which type of group we surround ourselves with. As we get older the dynamics of what a “friend” should or shouldn’t be changes. As we go through experiences we want our “friends” to be the people we can laugh with as well as cry. And what a better time for you to learn who your real “friends” are then when you’re at your worse. “Friends” can pop bottles with you all day long when you’re paying for them, but how many can they pop when you can’t? (And no I’m not saying that a friendship is based on monetary contributions)

Maintaining a friendship is just like maintaining a relationship, if not harder. It’s like they come with their own set of unspoken vows. We have to accept the good with the bad, love them through sickness and health, and tell them the fucking truth even if it hurts. No, I don’t always agree with my friends but we always can come to a mutual understanding and move on from any disagreements we may have (Now if they do some grimy disrespectful shit cut them off quick). I love my close circle of friends, but most importantly I trust them. I know they will continue to help lift me up no matter how many times I fall, and they know I will do the same. So if you’re the type of person that has a different “friend” every year something ain’t right about YOU, yeah, YOU. And if you know a person like that RUN FAST!

Take a deep examination of the “friends” around you. It may seem like you have a lot, but that number is far less than what you think. I’m talking about the people that love you for who you are with no standards or obligations attached. How many do you have? (And if you live in Atlanta……..you know what time it is) Critiques anyone?

Planning

Although I started my blog, I didn't have a complete plan. I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to write numerous posts a day, once a day, or weekly. The following day after writing my first post I tried to sit down to concentrate on my next one, but the words just wouldn't organize the way I wanted them to. For seven days I tried to harmonize words into paragraphs to focus on a particular topic. I was unsuccessful. At 5:43am my heart started speaking to me, and I woke up to type. Now I know my plan, I will wait for the words to come to me instead of trying to find them myself. It's a given that we will strive to accomplish things in life. Somehow some of us don’t learn to take time to plan what we want to accomplish, and are fools to expect successful results.

There is a pre existing plan a person is expected to follow. We are expected to go to school, graduate, attend college, graduate, start a career, get married, and then focus on starting a family. However, as some of us get older, we begin to create complications in our life that hinders us from following this societal plan. Yeah, there are many who follow this plan and I applaud their ability to stay on track. But what about the ones who don't, such as me, does that make us any less competent than someone who does?

Most of all my closest friends have graduated college, a couple completed their masters, and a few have started their careers. Unlike myself, I am currently working to obtain my bachelors. Yes, we all started college together, but mentally I wasn't ready. So I dropped out, moved back to Atlanta, and my path became redirected. Maybe the lack of a plan, which I strongly encourage young individuals to create, was the reason my path took its own twist and turns. I learned that even if you aren’t living the way anyone else feels like you should, at least have a plan. Don’t just jump head first into something only to bandage the bruises later. The period of healing will always set you back further than you “planned” to go. I was supposed to take a semester off from college, I ended up taking years. And although I choose a different path for my life, I learned lessons far beyond what any classroom could ever teach me. But had I had plan, I could have learned the best of both worlds at the same time. I remember my mother telling me I never seemed to finish anything that I started. Hmmm… I wonder why? LOL! I’ve always heard people say it is best to live for today, but what if tomorrow comes, what do you do then?

With any situation in our life, in order for it to be successful, we must have a plan. A student can’t go through college, without choosing a general career plan. An entrepreneur can’t start a business, without first creating a business plan. A relationship, although it isn’t written, follows a goal and expectation plan. And even something as simple as writing a paper can’t be written properly without first drafting an outline. There is nothing about our life, besides the ability to wake up every morning, that doesn’t require us to think about what we want to achieve. And ultimately, there must be a plan to accomplish it. Majority of the most successful individuals have every moment of their day planned, and following that plan enables them to achieve such status. I don’t see how it can be any different for us “regular folks”. What about you? How do you feel? Critiques anyone?

Comfortable

Starting Over. Two words that scared the shit out me, because I was afraid of what may happen. I never actually realized how "comfortable" I had become in my "situation" until I wanted to pull away from it. And trust me, it hasn't been easy. I've known for a while that I wanted to create a blog. Knew what I wanted to call it, how I wanted to start it, and what topics I would want to focus on. But I never found the courage to sit down, start typing, and watch it manifest before my eyes. Like I said I became “comfortable”.

Trying to convert from a life in the fast lane, I bounced through numerous jobs, had a son, started school, and stayed in an emotional and mentally draining relationship. All because I was "comfortable".  It was good to have someone to depend on regardless of the situation. And it felt “comforting” to have someone to take care of me to keep me focused in school. But now that I am ready step out on my own, I'm terrified of what lies ahead. Amazingly, that same terrified feeling is what led me to build courage, sit down, and start typing.

I want to start to shed what "comfortable" feels like, and start taking chances. Hopefully, NiquesCritiques will help me along my journey, and my reader’s follow me as well. Let’s start being open about situations and experiences, and discuss many of the issues we face in life. For years, I have lived my life for everyone else except the person I live for: myself. For years, I have let people tell me the way I should live my life. And for years, I nipped and tucked all my desires for the sake of other people's feelings. And I'm done. When I was younger, although naive, I was adventurous, spontaneous, and took risk that people think so negatively of, but I was happy. So now that I'm older, and I'm ready to make yet another change I think back to when I lived my life for myself. 

The confidence that we build knowing that we can do something on our own is amazing, and it’s sad that so many of us get stuck in the situations that can ultimately tear our confidence apart. I often wonder what keeps us so "comfortable" in a situation that makes us so unhappy. Complaining every chance we get to anyone who will listen. Why do we continue to allow the fear of taking risks keep us from fulfilling some of our deepest desires? I challenge you to discuss being “comfortable” and how that one word haunts us all. Critiques anyone?